So many Questions Un-Answered in my Mind

This was something I picked up when I was all alone getting bored in my room...surfing the net...


Its a song by some anonymous pretty girl, beautiful voice...but the best part are the lyrics....Nicely written and sung...
I have tried to capture the lyrics and providing you the link for the song ....Njoy .. . .

Questions in My Mind


I have forgotten how you feel for me
You made promises you... could not keep
Free from passion your love is moving on
In a minute everything is gone
In a minute everything is gone


There no time  for...all the new regrets
It wasn't perfect but...it was as good as perfect gets
I have seen through you....lookin at my self
May be love is meant for some one else . . .


But I....can't go on like I feel....the way I am doing .. .
So much.... emotions and I am confused about you 
Why....Why.....could answer but I won't even try
Why....tell me Why???
All that questions unanswered in my mind


These are lines you fit me in my place
Share the crisis I... Had to face
Here or there back or forward i dont know
Did you ever mean to let me go
I ask you ....Did you ever mean to let me go
I have been... searching for life line
I am not alone because I have got me myself 
and I have trying to move out for some time 
now I have been down and out but I will come around


And I....can't go on like I feel....the way I am doing .. .
So much.... emotions and I am confused about you 
Why....Why.....could answer but I won't even try
Why.......tell me Why???


All that questions unanswered in my mind
All that questions unanswered in my mind
So many questions unanswered...questions unanswered in my mind
And I....can't go on like I feel....the way I am doing .. .
So much.... emotions and I am confused about you baby
Why...Why. ....Could answer . . . .But I won't even try 
Tell me Why...baby.....Why .....


All that questions unasnwered in mymind....
So many questions unanswered in my mind....

An attempt to contain my Morning Feelings . .

Hug me...Till I start crying....
Caress me .....Till I stop lying ....
Love is so needed....Love is so needed .....

Love makes you blind ......Then you don't know what you find.....
U get confused ......so confused that you feel used ......
Love makes you sweat .....but it's something you don't regret ......
In the End it's only you .......then you don't know what to do .......
Love has exceeded....Love has exceeded .....


U start again .....with the pain in your vein .....

U spread the pain .....thinking that you will gain ......

Gain or Pain ....It's the same thing again .....
Don't mess around ....as someone will go underground ......
Act mature ......when you get bore.....
If it's boring then it always was souring ......


Love la la Love ...... Love la la Love .........
It's needed ....... Its needed .......


Now think again  ......for the same ........
Both of you fall in love .....and you hope this is love ........
U try to sit .....just to fit all the shit ......
But you forget .....love is only to give .....
Both of you are .......like an overfilled car ......
So just go out ......to share what you have got .......
Because love is blind .....and you won't see it being a man kind ....
Give; in an un-natural way .....because you have love when you sway .....


Love la la Love ...... Love la la Love .........

It's seeded ....... Its seeded .......and not needed ......

Dear John . .. . released in 2010

"Dear John, I will always wonder where John is and how he is doing, but I know I lost the right to know a long time ago"


The last lines of the movie sums up everything. The story of a boy and girl meeting accidentally, falling for each other and then deciding to see each other soon. All goes well for about a year when the boy is stuck in war zone away from her and his father. A father whom he loves a lot. The story goes on with the girl finally deciding to move ahead with some other guy, since John is not around and she cannot handle it any more. Although, she still loves him. Well!!! the movie goes on and the boy decides to move on as well. Shot in a battle in a distant place the boy discovers his love for his father. He goes back to mission after mission running away from what has happened. The fire inside burns him down. A lot of questions unanswered. The movie ends up in a good note quite opposite to the actual novel. In the movie the boy comes back only to find the girl married to a person who is suffering from cancer and needs an expensive medicine to be cured. The boy sells his fathers beloved collection and donates the money    to the girl. Her husband lives a little longer. The girl and the boy meet again after years and embrace each other.


All said and done we are struck with the amazing feeling of something not right. Something bigger that existed between the girl and the boy but nothing could be done. Was it her fault that she could not handle it or was it his fault that he decided to go ahead with what he thought was the right thing to do. Or is it just human nature to want so deeply that the mere presence eludes the feelings that exits. With the presence gone there is no existence of that feeling. This prompts you to ask the next question "Was it love after all?". Love has been defined in so many ways by so many people that no body has a clue what love is. Yet we always find ourselves in the same situation wondering "What we feel today, will it be the same if the other is not there?" OR is it just a requirement that the two be together for love to be. I don't know.


The whole thing seems to be fed to us in the form of novels, movies, talking and others. As if we are in need of love in order to balance some equation. No No don't get me wrong here but I do believe in love. The only true love that i have seen in my life is the love of parents which is un-conditional. Even if you separate them from their child it is still there. Rest all kind of love falls like a deck of cards. We are constantly being fed about love, how it is, what it is, when it is. Yet I fail to see it. Maybe i don't have the eyes but I do have the heart that tells me constantly to love and to be loved. But yet i can' t feel anywhere the love they teach you.


So, either our teachings are wrong or we are searching in the wrong place. Nobody knows.
I just hope that its true since it is beautiful concept and there can be no better way. 
I surely hope that I find a way out in this life.

Left Behind . . ..Delhi Diwali

Delhi ' 18:20 hours, sitting in our new Civic towards the Airport
She was standing there looking at me with shining eyes. Although age has wrinkled her facial skin yet somehow the eyes are still untouched by the ill that is around. Eyes which only seek comfort for me when I am around. Eyes which can fight with the whole world and yet mesmerize me with a single look. Eyes which were filled with varied emotions, joy (of meeting), sadness (of departing, of the loneliness that fills), confidence (about her upbringing), expectations??? Someday I am going to hold her hand and make her see the world the way she wanted to see. No questions asked enjoying every moment discovering something new.

Delhi Airport
After boarding the flight to Pune I  was lost in thoughts, a Khichdi of thoughts I would say. How am I going to bring happiness to her heart.....errr boss you should think about your career.......errrrrrrr Is there an end to this to bring eternal bliss . . . .. . .errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr the flight is late I wont get a sound sleep for tomorrow's meeting. . . .. . . .. . .errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Is this worth what I am sacrificing?????????????? Snap outttttttttt . . .We have to do something rather than think so much . .. . ..OOOOhhhhh that girl is beautiful .. . ... .  .not agaiiiiiiiiinnnnnn .. .The flight is delayed by an hour since the cabin crew is not able to get a satisfactory head count. Oooh god don't they have computers to do these stuff......and I thought I was boarding an airplane.

Every time I visit home I am filled with these never ending thoughts. Is it just me or there's something seriously wrong about this world. Ask any mother and you will know how she feels when her child goes out to study or work. "Ek na ek din to jana hi hai bahar, yahi life hai beta" the words might change but the meaning remains the same. Think about her life after 45 or 50 when she is old and all alone waiting for her son through out the year just to see a glimpse of him to caress him. And we are enjoying our life outside. Well it is not wrong to enjoy but ask yourself (boys) one serious question how many of you want a house wife to take care of you and your home while you work outside. Take a moment and think about her life - Would you like her to live this life when she grows old. When she has done everything for you and her family. When she has sacrificed everything there is just to ensure that everyone else in family is good.

Call me a little dramatic but I imagine her in a cage of materialistic pleasures when we all stand there and make fun of her for not being so smart. Well what we forget is that maybe she is not so "Worldy" smart because she spent a majority of her life trying to teach us to walk,talk, eat , sleep and what not....

Its like she has been left behind  . .. .So do go to her, reach out because you don't know her heart. If you walk  a mile towards her heart she will walk the whole distance towards you.

Waiting for that hug . . .

Ever had that feeling when all of a sudden the blurred memory comes back and you feel something just got completed ...as if some part of your life is fulfilled . . .as if comprehension of something which is of no use to you, yet it just made you happy....it made you want more of life . .. as if you took a free fall and now you want to do it again . . .its when you start wondering that why did god give you touch when you had eyes . . .
Leaving from my office to basement to my car .. .when all of a sudden I had that feeling of being alone . . .a gush of wind rushes down me as if hugging me ..  .trying to caress me. .. trying to get inside without my permission. .. . I get lost in the thoughts. . . .
Some volcano inside me trying to erupt, I think about my journey till now....god had a weird plan for me if I look back....the weirdness just does-not stop. .  .from a lively child to a bookworm to a freak out to a stressed child to an incomplete engineer (although got my degree with honours) to a post graduate. . .its been a roller coaster till now. . .yet the pieces seem to fall down to their right places. . .I think of those moments when I thought I could be anything .. . .its like being a super hero the ambitions just do-not die. . .yet here I stand accomplished and progressing (career wise) . . .Only its does-not feel right....do-not think that I do-not enjoy life but yet somehow I do-not understand the real question as it clutters my mind "What am I doing here?"
The only answer that I got till now was yesterday - a hug. . . .Well not me. . .but saw a beautiful girl being hugged by her father . . .I could see her clear eyes as if washed by rose water sparkle with joy. . . .and the father could-not withhold his emotions as his drowsy eyes sparkled with joy. . . Beau - - -ti - - -ful.......It all comes back to you . . . .I am still waiting for that hug of life . . . .May be there is some other answer for me . . .God only knows. . . .